Growing up I was a bit… well not fat, more heavy; thick. I was always the biggest of my friends and I knew it to. I mean how sick is it for a ten year old to compare herself to her friends and think that there must be something wrong with her? But thats where I was and thats what I thought.
Enter puberty, for the most part I thinned out. I grew taller, got boobs, and went from being one of the biggest to being, average. But for some reason I could never get it out my head that I was too big, too soft, that I needed fixing. And that was hard… is still hard.
And I tried, really hard, to fix myself. I counted every morsel entering my mouth. I worked out, alot. But you know what? No matter how much weight I lost I never felt ok.
Its a scary thing to hate yourself.
I feel though that my saving grace, was food. As Ive said before (in an earlier post), I love food. I never really could give up the joy that cooking, baking, and melted butter really bring. Man I love butter.
And then I read a book, Food Rules by Michael Pollan. It’s a list on how to approach food and eating. And it really hit me- eat real food. I mean REAL food. No diet food. No fake food. No processed, sitting on a shelf for 2 years food. And I really had one of those “duh!” moments. Of course, real food because thats what my body knows how to process. Thats what my body knows what to do with. If I just pay attention to my body it will get to the place where it is supposed to be. No guilt, no pressure, no straining my body to be what it can’t be and shouldn’t be. Eat when I’m hungry, eat only real food, and move as often as possible. It really should’nt be rocket science should it?
So thats my goal. Eat real food. Eat when Im hungry. And move. Thats it.
And you know, for once, I love my body. Honestly and truly. And I love that.
Life is amazing isn’t it?